Best thing to happen in awhile...

Now that I've had time to let it sink in, let me put it out here.

Yesterday I received a pleasant surprise. My supervisor told me that I did an excellent job with my ISM. This is surprising indeed considering how I felt that I didn't make some of the connections very well. Coupled with Sam's comments that the driving force of the ISM was a bit weak, it's easy to imagine why his comments were suprising.

Then he said something that made me feel damn good...

"If you send this in as a piece of sample writing, I would think that even the Committee of Social Thought would be forced to seriously consider it."

*STUNNED*

Committee of Social Thought?! That's like every S******an wannabe's wet dream. To get into the hallowed halls built by THE idol.

Then he said something even better...

"I'm proud to have you as my student."

It's the best news that I could hear from him. Considering how I kinda fucked up the first paper - yes THAT paper that bordered on plagiarism - I wrote for him I really wanted to do well for him so that I could repay the effort that he had invested in me all these years.

A vindication of my life as an undergrad.

True justice is to be just simply

The Glauconian articulation of the truly just man is for him to be just for its own sake, without having an eye towards its rewards. On the contrary, to be truly just it to lead a wretched life. Why, then, would we want to be just? Is it worth it?

That I can ask this question already presupposes the difficulty of being just simply. Somehow the motivation to be just is always tempered with a utilitarian schema, tempered with some form of rational cost-benefit calculation.

So if it is so hard (or impossible) to be just for its own sake, is it time for us to re-evaluate our conditions of being just?

Because the desire to look towards one's own benefit is always alot stronger than the good of someone else when they come into conflict. Do I look after myself (even though it might be ethically dubious) or do I tend to the needs of others because it is right (but inherently unpleasant to one's self)? It is something that we inevitably have to face instead of sweeping it under the carpet and pretend that it's not there.

The inexorable call to look after Number One grows increasingly tempting indeed.

Finger Eleven - Slow Chemical

The wonder of the world is gone and old for sure

All the wonder that I would have found in her

As a hole becomes another strike to burn
An old flame returns

Every intuition fails to find it's way
One more table turned around I'm back again

Finding I'm a lost and found when she's not around
When she's not around I feel it coming down

Get me what I could never ask for
Connect me and you could be my chemical NOW

Give me the drug you know I'm after
Connect me and you could be my chemical

When everybody wants (the chemical of) your soul

When everybody wants (the chemical of) your soul

Slow and
Everybody wants you
So
Slow and
Everybody wants your soul

Give me what I could never ask for
connect me and you could be my chemical NOW

Give me the drug you know I'm after
Connect me and you could be the chemical

You could be the chemical
You could be the chemical
You could be the chemical
You could be the chemical

Stepping out...

...of one quagmire into another quagmire. What gives?

The temptation is to simply give in and sink...

The disconcerting calm after the tempestuous storm...

"I feel displaced at home so I came to school."
- Denise

Yup I can empathise with Denise. After the hustle and bustle of work with our balls-to-the-wall attitude it certainly feels strange now that there is a short respite before we start studying for our final set of exams. In fact "strange" does not even cut it. Disconcerting is more apt. When all your life there is always something to focus your mind, it is unsettling now that the reality of having finished our *LAST* assignment in NUS has hit home. There is no more next time.

So I guess this is it...

It's been a crazy 3 weeks what with the ISM and essays all due consecutively. A constant rush to fight against time and the inexorable call of the sandman. But as planned, adrenaline took over after the first 2 days and tiredness became something you grew numb to. You become a machine, churning out word after word without hesitation. When one paragraph is over, you move to the next. When one page is finished, you start on the next. When one paper is over, you begin the next. Everyday you survive on just 3-4 hours of sleep a day. And loads of caffeine. Amazing how much beating the human body can take at once.

But is it really so...that the human body can take that much abuse?

I think not. Focusing the mind's eye to the not too distant past, I see in my head a movie of everything that transpired for the last 4 years. More vivid were year 2 and honours year. Those were years when I immersed myself in the company of friends whom I knew would remain so forever. Like minded individuals from disparate backgrounds all congregating at this tiny place called AS1. All congregating at this place we call home in one way or another. I smile as I replay this video of the comings and goings of each day in school in my head. I smile because these were the days that I shared with each and everyone of my friends. Where all of them formed an inextricable jigsaw piece of my life. And if any single one were to disappear, a part of me would definitely be lost forever. They infused meaning in my otherwise dour existence. The intellectual highs, the comforting camaraderie, the touching scenes of troubles shared, the boisterous revelry, the forging ahead together when work piles up...all these were but a fraction of the sharing, caring and support that saw me through everything. It's not the physiological but the emotional that saw me through it all. It was not so much force of will as it was the pillars of strength propping me up.

A man is only as strong as the support of the friends he has. And I am glad to say that I am ONE. BLOODY. STRONG. MOTHERFUCKER.

So I guess this is it... My undergraduate life is coming to an end and, with it, so does the well worn path that I've been walking with my friends. It is with a heavy heart and tear filled eyes that I prepare to bid this amazing, amazing life of fortune farewell.

I really don't want to.