No Leaf Clover

"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just the freight train coming your way..."
- Metallica

Sometimes when you think that things seem to be better, it turns out only to be the start of something worse. You don't know how to make yourself better and yet you cannot simply let loose for fear that it'll destroy all the good work that you've done so far. You start to wonder if everything is still worth it and if carrying on is the way to go. The inevitable cross roads rush up to meet you. But, almost immediately, you gather yourself and continue forward on the original path just because you feel that the alternative will kill you. The only danger is that, very often, we keep hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel is really just that - the light at the end of the tunnel. But when we run straight into the freight train once, we still think that we can overcome it. The next glimmer of light must surely be opening and not simply another juggernaut to run you down. Surely the time will come when your effort will do enough to bring you out into the open. Surely if you persevere you'll get what you think you deserve.

You long to bask once again in the warm light instead of thrashing around in the dark like a walking corpse, constantly striving for that all important meaning to rid your cadavar of the nihilistic chains. So you strive as best as you can. By waiting. Because that is all that is permitted of you at the moment.

If waiting is all I can do, then I'll play my part and await her return. Surely.